A reader writes:
This can be a bizarre low-stakes factor. I work in a small authorities workplace and we’ve got a man working right here who’s been right here for over 40 years and is inside a 12 months or two of retiring.
I like him nicely sufficient, however I’ve seen he nearly by no means calls ladies by their names. Any girl he speaks to, he addresses as simply “you,” and if he’s speaking a few girl who’s not within the room, he simply says “her.” There are extra ladies working right here than males, and he all the time makes use of the boys’s names or a minimum of their surnames.
It makes it very complicated after I don’t know which “her” he means. I’m “her,” my closest colleague is “her,” our huge boss is “her.”
I don’t know if he’s doing it intentionally/maliciously or if he simply genuinely can’t keep in mind any of our names, and thus no concept if I needs to be outraged or attempting to do something about it. If I immediate him, he normally will make clear who he’s speaking about, after a little bit of hesitation, and he’s not significantly sexist or something past this. Is that this only a bizarre quirk I ought to proceed to be mildly amused and perplexed by, or ought to I be taking a extra lively stance in getting him to make use of ladies’s names?
Why not simply ask him about it? “I’ve seen you by no means consult with ladies by their names though you employ males’s names. How come?”
After which perhaps: “It’s actually laborious to know who you’re speaking about once you don’t use names. Are you able to please use our names similar to you do with males?”
Who is aware of why he’s doing this. Perhaps he’s uncomfortable with ladies, perhaps he sees us all as a generic block with no individuality, perhaps he’s taking a stand towards ladies being at work. I don’t know, but it surely’s bizarre and troubling and it doesn’t belong at work. It is best to be happy to name him out on it each time, which can make him look even weirder if he insists on persevering with.
You may also level it out to your boss. I’m guessing she’s seen, however saying it out loud would possibly nudge her to handle it herself.