A reader writes:
I’m searching for some recommendation in relation to a teammate at work, Paul, who’s at present going by way of a divorce. We’ve been working collectively for the final two years.
Earlier this 12 months, Paul known as me to say that his spouse had requested for a divorce out of nowhere. I used to be sympathetic and let him know to take any time that he wanted after which I might be right here and would be capable to handle the work for the 2 of us.
Quick ahead to 4 to 5 months later, and it appears I’m nonetheless the one one managing the staff’s work. Paul has thanked me quite a few instances and appears to be very appreciative, and has let me know he has made our supervisor conscious of how useful I’ve been, however I get annoyed.
I do know that he has let a few of our govt staff find out about his divorce, however not everybody we work with is aware of, which additionally makes issues awkward when individuals ask the place he’s or if he’s off.
Our work isn’t extremely demanding, but it surely does differ by day and generally I do get slowed down. For instance, we’re in journey roles and I might be touring each week of August as a result of he might be coping with legal professionals and their kids.
How do I’m going inform my supervisor that I’m burnt out, and even deliver this as much as Paul? I’m attempting to be as understanding as doable, but it surely appears he could also be benefiting from my serving to. I’ve not personally handled divorce, so I’m attempting to be as form and versatile as doable, however this has been weighing on me for much too lengthy now.
It’s time to inform Paul that you simply’re overwhelmed and may’t cowl his work the best way you’ve been doing. Begin there.
The factor is, when Paul first instructed you concerning the divorce, you instructed him to take no matter time he wanted and also you’d cowl. He’s in all probability nonetheless working on that assumption.
That doesn’t imply that he ought to be. Most individuals would hear that supply and know that it meant “for just a few weeks or so when you’re adjusting,” not “till the top of time.” And never “even months from now, I’ll fortunately journey each week for a month so that you don’t need to” — and positively not with out explicitly checking in with you and asking.
However no matter what he ought to have understood about your supply, it appears clear that he’s treating it as nonetheless totally in impact. And he could be considering you’re simply effective with that because you haven’t instructed him in any other case.
So it’s time to speak to him and say one thing like, “I used to be in a position to assist out in a pinch if you requested earlier this 12 months, but it surely’s not sustainable for me to tackle a lot anymore, and I want to return the best way we had been dividing work up earlier than that. Can you’re taking again over XYZ? I can also’t maintain choosing up all of the journey.”
For all we all know, Paul could be ready so that you can inform him if you hit that time, and is fortunately stunned that you simply haven’t but — however will change what he’s doing when you do. Or possibly he hasn’t considered it in any respect as a result of he’s been absorbed in private life stuff, however when you converse up, he’ll understand he’s on the restrict of what he can ask of you.
But when having a transparent dialog with him doesn’t remedy it, then at that time that you must contain your supervisor. Clarify that you simply instructed Paul earlier this 12 months that you can assist out quickly but it surely isn’t sustainable so that you can proceed and that you must return to your common workload.
It sounds such as you’ve hesitated to do any of that since you’ve needed to be useful and accommodating, and also you’re sympathetic to what Paul goes by way of. However this ought to be a “assist out in a short-term pinch” sort of scenario or a “be understanding when he wants a day without work right here and there” scenario — not “take over one other individual’s workload for months.” You’ve been greater than understanding, and now it’s okay to set limits.