A reader writes:
The place is the road between what’s and isn’t acceptable when speaking about pettiness between coworkers?
I’m coping with two staff on the identical staff who merely don’t like one another for a wide range of causes. Fortunately, these two wouldn’t have to really work collectively fairly often however sit in the identical suite. They’re each huge personalities, have sturdy opinions, and might each come off sturdy. Aside from counseling them on being conscious how they arrive throughout when interacting with one another, I’m at a loss for deal with the pettiness they’ve each adopted from the angle of “you each want to stay skilled with one another” — issues like saying goodbye to everybody on the staff besides the opposite one, ordering dessert for “whoever desires some” with substances that the opposite is allergic to, not holding the door open for the opposite “with out realizing they have been there.” I’ve a tough time determining the place the road is between “you aren’t assembly the expectations of acceptable conduct” and “come on, simply don’t be a jerk” particularly when one claims issues like “you’ll be able to’t prohibit me from ordering the dessert that I need and providing the leftovers to others.”
Their work efficiency is fairly stable. They’re each passionate concerning the work they do, execute it nicely, and are (for higher or worse) each type of “staples” of the staff (subject material specialists and sure dedicated to being at this firm for a very long time).
The best way to strategy it’s to deal with the result you need, which is “nobody on the staff can inform you don’t like particular person X.” They will really feel nonetheless they wish to about one another, but when different folks choose up on these destructive emotions, that’s an issue — as a result of it would make the working atmosphere uncomfortable for everybody.
So sure, in fact they will order no matter dessert they need even when the opposite particular person occurs to be allergic to it, and naturally typically they won’t say goodbye to completely everybody after they’re leaving … however slightly than getting mired down in these particulars, deal with the final result you want from them, which is they will’t make folks uncomfortable with their habits and they should deal with everybody with a baseline degree of heat and pleasantness.
I’d body it this manner: “You want to conduct your self in such a manner that you simply’re not making this a destructive work atmosphere for different folks. If folks can inform you don’t like Jane, you’re not assembly that job requirement. If folks understand you as being petty or vindictive, you then’re failing at that. And I take that very critically — it’s an absolute requirement of being on this staff that you simply deal with everybody with respect and that you simply don’t make the remainder of the staff uncomfortable. Except you really want me to offer examples, I’m not going to undergo the pettiness I’ve seen occasion by occasion; I assume you perceive what I’m speaking about. It wants to vary if you wish to stay on this staff.”
And also you ought to maintain agency on that line. Stable work efficiency or not, you’ll be able to’t hold individuals who behave this manner. They’re poisoning the atmosphere for the whole staff … and sooner or later the remainder of your workers will begin to fear about how they’ll be handled in the event that they one way or the other find yourself on the unsuitable aspect of one among these staff.