– Do you write actual good with dem fancy phrases?
– May you promote hair care merchandise to Patrick Stewart?
– Do you thrive in a high-stress setting crammed with political infighting, paperwork, and company nonsense?
If that’s the case, then we’re the place for you, besides you would possibly hate how good of an organization we’ve got – crammed with joyful, usually competent folks that don’t put up with jerks. Frankly, it makes me sick how good everyone seems to be.
We’re distant full time, have very versatile hours, individuals are judged by their output, not by how a lot they suck as much as the boss, and turnover is tremendous low as a result of the corporate believes that joyful staff=joyful prospects=joyful checking account. Merely disgusting, when you ask me.
–Is that this an actual job advert?–
Yup! Amazingly sufficient, we truly paid cash to publish this on a bunch of various job websites. And it’s not even a pyramid scheme! Plus, get this: the proprietor simply began paying our 60ish staff with cash as a substitute of Pizza Hut coupons – we’re large time, folks.
Our careers web page is definitely value testing to study extra about how insane we’re (sidenote: it gained an online design award in 1993 – we’re a reasonably large deal):
–What do you guys do?–
We do numerous various things as of late together with promoting superior client merchandise (these are only a small sampling):
Working this Amazon Pay-Per-Click on company: PPCFarm.com (we’re actually, actually good at PPC)
And we’ll quickly be launching a SaaS product for stock administration.
We’re doing our greatest to develop quickly yearly, and it’s our intention to proceed that for so long as doable, which suggests we want good folks to assist us sustain with the expansion.
–What’s your organization like?–
1. You Can Be Your self. You don’t need to placed on a pretend, skilled face. You’ll be able to simply be your self. You’ll be able to discuss smack to the CEO (extremely inspired), and nobody will assume something of it. You do not have to decorate up, or use formal language, or fake to be one thing you are not – you may simply be you.
2. Main Alternatives for Profession Development. We’re not making an attempt to simply be a small enterprise. We plan to be doing $100 million yearly within the subsequent few years. We promote shortly as soon as we establish expertise. It doesn’t matter what your credentials are – it issues what you get finished.
3. Full Time Distant/Versatile Hours. You’ll be working from dwelling in your pajamas, in your schedule. And we don’t care when you work 10 hour days 4 days per week or 6 hours a day and catch up over the weekend. As long as you get numerous work finished, we’re joyful campers.
4. Full Work/Life Stability. Should you’re routinely working greater than 45ish hours, you’re gonna get a pleasant talking-to. We wish you to be working at 100% capability, which implies that it’s good to relaxation.
5. Strongly Anti-BS. Anyone within the firm can (and is predicted to) inform the CEO when he’s fallacious. There aren’t any bureaucratic or BS guidelines getting in the best way of getting work finished.
6. No Micro-Administration. When you’re educated and have demonstrated you understand your stuff, we’re fairly hands-off. The truth is, when you want exterior administration to remain on-task and motivated, we most likely aren’t the place for you.
7. No Poisonous/Incompetent Folks Allowed. We attempt very laborious to display out imply or silly folks earlier than they get in, however in case they slip by way of, we fireplace them shortly. You’ll by no means need to work together with somebody who’s an apparent fool or straight up malicious. No poisonous or incompetent folks at work – may it actually be? [Yes]
8. Supportive Setting. We don’t function through intense stress or unreasonable top-down deadlines. Everybody needs you to achieve success – inner politics are at a minimal right here.
9. Numerous Raises. We do our best possible to get forward of issues and provides raises preemptively, so you do not have to ask for one. It is common in any respect for somebody to obtain 2+ raises per yr.
10. We’ll Put money into Your Coaching. We wish you and everybody to get higher always. You’ll be studying new issues on a regular basis, and are strongly inspired to take a position time each day to study new issues, enhance your system/work course of, and simply usually attempt to make your life simpler.
11. 4-6+ Weeks Trip. We 100% need you to recharge, so having loads of time without work is completely value it.
12. Paid Maternity/Paternity Depart. We’ve even began letting folks skip conferences throughout labor!
13. Self-Funded So We Can Do What’s Proper for Us. We don’t need to reply to anybody however ourselves, so we are able to make the fitting resolution for the long-term well being of the corporate vs making an attempt to get large too quick or lower corners to appease some egocentric investor.
–What are your organization’s values?–
Sure, these are legitimately our values. The careers web page is unquestionably value testing – it’s not simply regular company BS. We promise you’ll study so much about us.
–OK, so I’ve learn like 8 dang pages about you guys. Will you inform me what the precise job is?–
No.
–Wait… What?–
Tremendous quick model:
Writing numerous issues, together with Amazon listings, web site copy, packaging copy, apology notes to folks the founder hits together with his automotive, and extra.
You’ll even be creating and sustaining a system to effectively create world class copy, which we’ll positively aid you with.
To be clear, copywriting isn’t just writing – there’s a ton of key phrase analysis and market analysis. The perfect copywriter usually spends simply as a lot time considering/researching their viewers as they do truly producing phrases on paper.
Like everybody else within the firm, additionally, you will have to innovate usually – which suggests determining methods to enhance high quality and manufacturing pace.
It’s difficult, however enjoyable work that’s going to require numerous time and process administration, problem-solving, and an affordable quantity of individuals expertise.
–Do I would like expertise?–
We anticipate you to have a minimal of 70 years of expertise (120+ most popular).
Oh, you have not lived two lifetimes consuming and respiratory enterprise 24/7/365? Who TF do you assume you might be, studying this job description? You absolute buffoon.
Oh, you have not been instantly concerned in a minimum of two (ideally three) World Wars? You are not even certified to function our espresso machine, you sentient potato.
Oh, you did not observe the Massive Bang because it occurred? Get out of right here, you pirated copy of Home windows 95.
I would actually throw up out of your insolence. The hubris to assume that you simply, you absolute idiot, may apply for an apprentice place – completely sickening.
Additionally, no you do not want any expertise. Should you’re superior, we’ll be capable to inform.
We wish particular folks, and don’t give AF what their background is. Most of our greatest folks did nothing remotely associated to their present roles, so when you’ve by no means finished something like this earlier than, do not sweat it. We rent 100x extra for potential than current information.
The Massive Bang requirement nonetheless stands although.
–Do I would like a university diploma?–
You simply must be superior.
–Are there any geographic restrictions?–
So long as you might be in a rustic that doesn’t have energetic sanctions from the US authorities, we have an interest. Our founder isn’t recognized for respecting the federal government a lot, however they’ve all of the weapons, so…
–How a lot will I be anticipated to jot down?–
Quite a bit, however it gained’t be something unrealistic. We mainly don’t have quotas anyplace within the firm, largely as a result of everybody simply produces at a excessive degree on their very own.
–Do I must be a local English speaker?–
It is going to most likely aid you however no you don’t. We now have folks everywhere in the world doing artistic issues for us. Should you eat numerous American media, I wager you’ll be simply tremendous.
–This sounds fairly good, although I’m nonetheless skeptical that this isn’t a pyramid scheme.–
You sound identical to the tax authorities!
–That doesn’t resolve any of my fears, however what do I have to do to use?–
Please submit your data on the next web page to use. We promise to reply inside 5-10 enterprise days even when our reply is No.
There will probably be a number of steps on this course of, FYI, together with an extended written utility, interviews with doubtlessly just a few completely different folks, and paid work check(s). Hiring the fitting folks is basically laborious and really costly if we do it poorly, so we’ve got to front-load the method. I am sorry about that and thanks for sticking with us.
When you’re in our pipeline although, I might anticipate supplying you with a remaining reply inside just a few weeks, relying on the way it goes. We positively don’t wish to string you alongside, and so long as you do what we ask, we promise to inform you “sure” or “no”, and to not simply ghost you (like everyone I match with on Tinder).
Thanks to your time and curiosity, and I hope we are able to work collectively quickly!