I’m off this week, so right here’s an older put up from the archives. This was initially revealed in 2019.
A reader writes:
My coworker, Lenora, is the oldest individual in our workplace. She is mostly pleasant, cheerful, and a tough employee. Nevertheless, regardless of her genuinely candy nature, she is about to drive us all up the wall. In brief, she needs us to be completely happy all the time, and he or she has made it her private mission to make this occur.
She is continually haranguing myself and all the opposite admin to smile, be extra cheerful, and so on. Conversations together with her usually go like this:
Lenora: How are you immediately?
Me: Oh I’m simply superb, thanks for asking.
Lenora: Simply superb?! Absolutely you’re WONDERFUL, proper? In any case, we’re right here and wholesome and we’ve good jobs, so what’s there to mope about?
Me: *awkward chuckle*There are different issues as nicely. When Lenora walks into conferences, she declares herself with, “Okay, now everybody flip these frowns the other way up!”
She is continually pushing us to make use of “extra constructive” language. For instance, if we don’t accomplish that nicely on a undertaking and the consumer isn’t completely happy, we re-do the work. That’s regular for us. Nevertheless, Lenora will inform everybody that we did GREAT on the undertaking and it simply wasn’t what the consumer wished, however that’s not our fault! There’s definitely nothing flawed with encouraging folks and being constructive, however we must be trustworthy about our shortcomings so we are able to know the place we have to enhance.
She’ll additionally go as much as folks within the workplace and asks them why they’re not smiling. Then, once they say one thing like they have been simply pondering, she replies that it’s an attractive day and there’s no motive to frown!
I might go on and on, however hopefully you get the concept. We’re not all a bunch of mopey curmudgeons right here. This can be a pleasant, relaxed workplace and everybody does a superb job. However we don’t sit right here with smiles plastered on our faces 24 hours a day.
I additionally suppose Lenora’s feedback can come off as very hurtful. We don’t know what’s happening in folks’s private lives, and pushing them to behave extraordinarily constructive and completely happy might be detrimental to their psychological and emotional well being. I do know I’ve suffered from melancholy previously, and I couldn’t stand it if I have been going by that proper now and dealing with Lenora.
The factor is, we’re all managed beneath one director of our division, and Lenora and the director are BFFs. I’ve labored right here about three years, and I’ve by no means seen the director correctly handle Lenora or scold her on something, not even as soon as. The director permits Lenora to do mainly no matter she needs. That’s usually not an issue as a result of Lenora does do her work, however it’s simply this pressured positivity that has gotten approach uncontrolled.
I’ve spoken with another coworkers, and they’re burned out with it additionally. We’d actually like to only be left alone to handle our personal feelings. Some days we’re feeling slightly down for one motive or one other, and that’s okay. It’s a part of life, and nobody might be completely happy like that on a regular basis (apart from Lenora I assume).
I’m unsure if I ought to attempt to speak to our director, or if I ought to converse to Lenora straight, or what. However I believe I would scream if I’ve to endure yet one more week of her reminding me to smile each time she sees me.
Earlier than any screaming ensues, why don’t you and your coworkers strive pushing again on Lenora within the second? For instance:
Lenora: How are you immediately?
You: I’m superb, thanks for asking.
Lenora: Simply superb?! Absolutely you’re WONDERFUL, proper?
You: Wow, that’s a extremely intense response. I’m superb.
Lenora: We’re right here and wholesome and we’ve good jobs, so what’s there to mope about?
You: I’m not moping. I’m superb, and I’d quite you not attempt to handle my feelings like that.
Lenora: Why aren’t you smiling?
You: I used to be in the midst of serious about a undertaking.
Lenora: It’s an attractive day and there’s no motive to frown!
You: Please don’t touch upon my face — it’s very distracting after I’m making an attempt to focus.
Lenora: Why aren’t you smiling?
You: You ask me that rather a lot! It’s distracting after I’m making an attempt to focus, and I’d want you not touch upon my face.
Some choices for when she tells your workforce you probably did nice on a undertaking that wasn’t what the consumer wished:
* “I believe it is going to be extra helpful to give attention to why we weren’t aligned with the consumer on what they wished, and the way we are able to keep away from that taking place sooner or later.”
* “I admire you making an attempt to spice up us up, however I don’t suppose we’d like a pep speak! It’s okay for us to be trustworthy about the place we have to enhance.”
I’d do that for some time quite than going to your director. That is largely an interpersonal concern, which your director would rightly count on you to attempt to clear up by yourself first. In case you do that and it fails … nicely, it’s nonetheless in all probability largely an interpersonal concern that doesn’t fairly rise to the extent of bringing it to your boss. Lenora has an annoying method, and typically that’s simply the way it goes with coworkers. (The exception to this could be if she have been hassling a depressed individual or in any other case doing one thing that took this past Very Annoying. In that case, sure, speak to your boss.)
Nevertheless, there’s part of this that would fall exterior of “interpersonal quirk so that you can take care of by yourself” — the half about how she tells everybody they did nice on tasks that your shoppers need redone. Relying on precisely how that performs out, it’s doable she’s really undermining your workplace’s work and the probability of individuals bettering. (For instance, if she tells a junior person who their errors are nothing to fret about they usually did nice on a undertaking that must be redone, and that individual believes her and doesn’t put actual effort into studying from their errors and bettering their work — or worse, begins to suppose shoppers are unreasonable jerks who make unrealistic calls for — she might do actual injury to that individual’s work and their skilled progress.) In order that half is perhaps price elevating to your boss, framed as, “Lenora pushes very onerous for everybody to be completely happy and really feel good, to the purpose of telling those that work with errors remains to be nice and it’s not their fault for not assembly the consumer’s requirements. I’ve seen a number of interns blow off errors in consequence, and I’m involved her messaging it that approach is doing them an actual disservice and inflicting them to not take errors significantly.”
However largely, the answer can be pushing again on Lenora within the second. Proper now it seems like your workplace is capitulating to her tyranny of pressured cheer, and there’s no motive the remainder of you may’t say, “No, we don’t like this, please cease.”